Posts Tagged ‘listening’

Courageous Colleagues and Best Bosses

June 24, 2014

fishjump

I’ve had the chance to work with and learn from some really amazing people. I bet you have, too. Some of those who come to mind were bosses, some clients and others are valued colleagues.

Here are a few signs from those that make my “best” list and why:

1. He holds people accountable for bad behavior.

There are rules of engagement, reinforcement and enforcement. This person sets and carries culture. On his team and in their workplace “anything goes” isn’t allowed. He isn’t afraid to be the police, an example or the coach.

2. She is consistent in messaging, whether or not people want to hear the content.

This person will not whisper tailored private messages to curry favor. She acts in a way that unites and encourages. She is intentional about challenging the status quo because it will yield progress.

3. He never makes negative comments about others in conversation.

In contrast, he makes a point of finding ways to teach. He cites good examples and praises others. He is self-aware and confident so it’s not necessary to put others down.

4. She sometimes shares personal items about herself.

She is humble and able to make personal connections with people. She isn’t hiding who she is…She is genuine.

5. He is consistently honest.

While embellishing or comments framed a particular way to save feelings are common, people who serve their colleagues and teams create trust through reliable, candid, active communications.

6. She is accessible and has face-to-face meetings to resolve conflicts.

She manages priorities but dictates no hierarchy in getting her audience. Her intentions and actions have integrity. She’s willing to acknowledge differences and work with multiple perspectives.

7. He makes a decision and protects his people in public if it fails to work.

Someone you can trust has confidence and takes reasoned risks. This person will not send other’s into harm’s way. He is willing to own choices and consequences.

8. She actively seeks excellence and develops others.

Envy isn’t part of her playbook. She motivates others by engaging people’s talent, knowledge and experience. She finds ways for them to mature and supports transitions. She manages across and down. Her sole focus isn’t self and her own boss.

9. He keeps commitments.

Follow through is vital for credibility and he knows it. There’s no waffling or excuses. He does what he says he will do.

10. She asks lots of questions and spends time listening.

A learning leader is curious and inquires often. She believes others have a contribution to make. And, she knows understanding context is relevant to being effective.

These 10 examples profile behavior that indicate character – most reflect courage. It is the willingness to be afraid but to act anyway. Like you, my life has provided me with the chance to observe hundreds of people over many years. These days I can generally rely on a brief experience and some intuition to identify a brave leader.

Make courage your first virtue – it will serve you, others and your organization’s mission well.

Lisa Wyatt, Ed.D. is chief strategy officer and partner in Phillips Wyatt Knowlton, Inc. PWK is a performance management resource for systems and social change with clients worldwide. Lisa has cross-sector and international experience. She is an author and W.K. Kellogg Leadership Fellow. See: www.pwkinc.com

Two Ears & One Mouth

November 27, 2011

It’s an under-rated skill, but it is the one most people deeply appreciate in others: listening.

Great Reception

Our reception of others’ expression is listening. Most North Americans give weighted attention to talking. Glib talkers, people who are articulate get loads of stage time. While any capable communicator must have both verbal and writing skills, we too often underestimate listening.

A great listener pays attention to the speaker and demonstrates the ability to understand, interpret and evaluate what’s said. Why is this so critical?  Listening well accomplishes several things: it generates rapport, establishes shared meaning, and provides information. These are essential to both relationship and understanding. The reception that occurs is the launch pad for dialogue. Listening can help avoid mistrust – it can build trust. It can resolve conflicts. It offers vital insight for constructive use. It provides key inputs for transparency and learning. Listening also supports a safe, healthy culture.

Thomas Gordon is credited with the idea of “active listening.” It requires us to:

suspend a point of reference,

preclude judgment and

to avoid other mental action.

This isn’t easy. There are many barriers to effective listening. They include distractions, trigger words, limited vocabulary, attention span, emotions and psycho-social and physical noise. Time and skills are challenges to being a great listener. Listening does take time. It requires being present to another individual or, when in a group, to several people. 

Destructive Mis-Use

The “passive violence” of indifference is often shown by no appetite or disinterest in listening.However, like sincerity, it is possible to “fake” listening. We’ve all seen people do it. When we recognize that tactic – it can cause offense. It’s a disingenuous action that conveys disrespect. It simply takes information or interrogates without goodwill. This behavior can be particularly destructive to relationships. It burns bridges.

When participating in small groups or individual conversations, watch yourself and others for these errors:

Pseudo-listening. Polite physical presence with no internal registration or meaning.

Shift response. Moving conversation to a self focus as you compete for attention and make your own needs primary.

Glaze over. Your mind is on other issues and active with concerns completely unconnected to the speaker.

Stage hogging. Grabbing “air time” to filibuster with your own verbal delivery that conquers and dominates others.

Authentic intention is crucial to active, genuine listening. The “test” of a capable listener is the relative capacity to repeat, paraphrase and reflect the speaker’s intent.  It means you can exactly mimic, similarly rephrase and confirm with your own words. Some think that our “equipment” as humans signals a practical wisdom: two ears and one mouth are significant. These levels of interpretation indicate accurate reception with increasing sensitivity.

Better managing and leading requires us to listen carefully. Listening shows sustained interest in others. And, when you’re the speaker, how does that feel?

Lisa Wyatt, Ed. D. is a strategy architect and partner in Phillip Wyatt Knowlton, Inc. PWK is a performance management resource for systems change with clients worldwide. Lisa has cross-sector and international experience. She is an author and W.K. Kellogg Leadership Fellow. See : www.pwkinc.com


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